How has ghosting, breadcrumbing, and serendipidating become so normalised in modern hook-up culture? And how do people really feel about meeting potential partners through their screens? As part of the Barbican’s Rewired series, “Dating in a Rewired World” discussed all things digital dating. Featuring a panel of industry experts, including sexual health and wellbeing pro Ruby Stevenson and visual artist and Gal-Dem astrologer Marissa Malik, the conversation ranged from how to be sex-positive to the benefits of IRL connections. Canvas8 highlights three insights and reflects on modern dating.
Sex-positive
Promoting greater acceptance around different body types, sexual preferences, and shunning shame attached to sex was a key discussion topic. Alongside traditional dating apps, the panelists also discussed non-monogamous platforms such as #open – promoting an inclusive, sex-positive community, whether solo or partnered.
While the sex-positivity movement champions the attitude that all consensual sexual activities are healthy and pleasurable, Malik highlighted the outdated, and potentially harmful, communications of dating apps – referring to them as “trendy ads targeted at heteronormative millennials.” She suggests that dating apps instead can and should “be a safe space to explore your sexuality.” And while apps such as Her are working to connect queer women, there is still a long way to go when it comes to digital dating. Especially as only 54% of dating app users aged 18-29 would describe their experiences as positive.
IRL vs digital connections
While the initial influx of online dating platforms sparked controversy around social connections – and the barrier created by digital services – people are increasingly embracing dating apps as just another form of communication to facilitate IRL connections. Sliding into someone's DMs can offer an easy segue to a real-life meeting, but some feel intimidated by the pressure to keep their flirtation game on-point. Mystic Messenger is a platform that lets people ‘practice’ dating in a simulated environment, without the judgment of real people.
But feeling comfortable with tech also has its downsides. The panel agreed that while the digital barrier enables people to make connections and express themselves without fear of physical judgement, they were often less concerned about the implications of how they spoke to other people. And while ‘ghosting’ has become the norm, these ‘trash dating’ behaviours cause some daters immense amounts of guilt – leading them to remove themselves from dating apps entirely or make a concerted effort to reconnect with people even after a long time. Those preferring real-life connections are also seeking dating scenarios that align with their interests and personality. The alternative speed-dating company Shhh Dating is championing this through its silent events involving flirting games, eye-gazing, and no talking.
Designed to be deleted
With 56% of adults viewing dating apps in a negative light – often feeling a sense of distrust because of the absence of body language and initial face-to-face interactions – there’s still work to be done to normalise digital dating. While Hinge stands by its ‘designed to be deleted’ manifesto, championing long-term relationships, the Barbican panel considered the importance of apps that openly welcome non-monogamous partnerships, such as Feeld and Pure. Attitudes towards traditional relationships are changing – research shows that one-fifth of US respondents explore non-monogamy at some point in their lives. Whether seeking that special someone or several special connections, daters are increasingly seeking authentic interactions and methods of communication that suit their dating style.
Abi Buller is the editorial assistant at Canvas8, which specializes in behavioral insights and consumer research. She holds a degree in Creative Direction for Fashion from the University of the Arts London. Outside of work, you'll find her wandering around art galleries, practising yoga and seeking out new pastel-coloured garments to add to her collection.
